Michal's Week 7: Vegan Special

The Vegan special was a unique challenge, especially because Michal was drunk whilst raping his food. But, nevertheless, he prevailed with a strong outcome with the ingredients had was given.

Michal's ingredients included:

- Dried Mushrooms

- Orange Juice

- Tortilla Wraps

- Pineapple

- Salted Peanuts

Michal began by pouring the orange juice into a pot and throwing some dried mushrooms in there and simmered them. He aimed to soften the mushrooms with the orange juice. He then cut the pinapple into round slices and placed a slice each on a tortilla wrap. He then folded the wraps as best as he could to try and mimic the round shape.

He drained the mushrooms and placed them in a drunken systematic order on top of each tortilla wrap and placed the wraps into the oven on 150 degrees for 10 minutes.

Once the wraps were warm and the mushrooms dried up (only a little bit), it was ready to be served. Michal hand squeezed pineapple juice over the top of the wraps (but only a smidgen).

He then proceeded to crush some peanuts in a plastic bag by smashing the shit through them with a hammer. He also successfully annoyed his housemate who was trying to watch master chef. WIN!

He sprinkled the peanuts over the top and the drunken mess was ready!

To be honest, it didn't look bad at all and it looked fantastic once it was cut. The pineapple looked amazing in the middle! For presentation, Michal received a 7.5. Creativity was an odd score to pick, it definitely won points with boiling the mushrooms in orange juice (as fucking odd as that was) and with the overall idea. Michal received an 8 out of 10 for creativity. Taste was another odd one to choose. The fact that it was so damn abstract and still edible, won it a score of 7 out of 10. Therefore, Michal finished on a decent note at the end of week 7 with a score of 22.5.

Boof's Week 7: Vegan Special

This week, each Rapist must buy 5 vegan ingredients, which were then drawn out of a hat. From said hat, Boof recieved: delicious felafel, tasty creamed corn, surprising multigrain Weetbix, amazing cherry tomatoes, and unusal rice wine vinegar.

After hours of deep thought, Boof decided to forgo creativity, and go for taste, as he was still dazed from last week's ordeal.

So, after carefully making sure that the oil was vegan, he fried up the crumbled felafel, then chucked in some rice wine vinegar. Next, the tin of creamed corn went into the pan, making it look like some freaky industrial experiment gone wrong. Then, the tomatoes were diced, and chucked in the pan as well. Boof cooked this mess up for a minute, then spooned it onto some Weetbix, and warmed the whole mess up in the oven.

Overall, it didn't look too bad, in a vomit-piled-on-weetbix kind of way. 7 for presentation. Creativity was settled on a solid 8. The taste portion of the testing was the most surprising. This shit actually tasted good! Though it was ridiculously dry, it tasted alright. So alright, in fact, that both Rapists spooned some mixture into one of Michal's tortillas, with some sweet chilli sauce and cheese.


All up, Boof walks away with a solid 22 for week 7.

Week 6: Holiday Special

FoodRape 2010 Holiday Special Rules:

Both Rapists must be shitting-on-the-neighbour's-lawn drunk.

Both Rapists must only prepare dessert.



So after several hours, a fire, public nudity, three dead hookers and too much beer, the boys decided to stumble home for the FoodRaping of their lives.

What follows may or may not have actually happened (we're a bit sketchy on the details), but we are pretty damn certain that these events have taken place.

Michal's 5 ingredients included cinnamon, rice, peanut butter, a chocolate Big M and scotch fingers. He ended up cooking the rice in the Big M, with cinnamon sticks. Once it was gooey, he spread the peanut butter on the biscuits, and dipped them into the rice.

And then Boof proceeded to begin his dessert. His ingredients included Atkin's Diet Chocolate, diced pineapple, strawberries, crumbed walnuts and coco pops.

What Boof and Michal didn't realise, was that the Atkin's Diet Chocolate wasn't your average chocolate.

We have since come to the conclusion that they were tainted with a foul black magic, from the infernal plains of Assunder.

As soon as the chocolate began to melt in the saucepan, a horrible odour filled the room, and black tentacles shot from the stove. Michal bravely replaced his underwear. Upon his return to the kitchen, he found Boof in mortal combat with the beast, a foul tentacled pedophile

from the depths of Hades. Michal cried out, and found that his voice was young and girly, and his testicles had receeded into his body.

"He's turned us into children!" cried Michal. "Quick, protect your orifices!"

The demon pedophile let out a terrifying giggle, and reared up to attack.

Michal and Boof glanced at each other, and sprinted for the laundry door. The beast's giggles followed them up the street.

Around the corner and across a few blocks, the boys found a panther sitting in the gutter, sobbing quietly to himself.

"What's wrong?" they asked him.

"My wife has been beating me on a daily basis for the past two years. Then the other day, I found out that she's been sleeping with Frank Walker from National Tiles this whole time. You know that cunt, does those fucking annoying ads on the radio. So now I want to stab her, and cut her heart out, but I don't have any thumbs, and can't hold the knife. I don't know what to do."

"We'll help you," said Boof.

"Yeah, we can hold knives," agreed Michal. "We don't even need adult supervision!"

"Really? You boys would help me kill my wife?"

"Of course we will! Though we need some help with a problem of our own."

Things get hazy around this point, though we both remember bleaching our shirts to remove some strange dark stains.

The panther help up his end of the deal. He shaved himself bald, and knitted them fake beards and body hair.

Once the fake hair was worn, both boys looked like bears.

Michal and Boof snuck back into their house, wearing their bear costumes. The beast pedophile assumed that this was normal behaviour for bears, and was oblivious as to their true identities.

Doing their best bear imitation, Michal and Boof carefully filled the kettle, and waited for it to boil.

The pedophile took no notice, concentrating on the K-Mart catalogue left on the bench.

Once it had finished boiling, Boof and Michal carefully used the kettle to beat the demon pedophile in the dick.

The pedophile let out a horrible scream, and burst into flames

His terrible kiddie-fiddling days were over.

Boof and Michal awoke, awfully hungover, to find that three weeks had passed, and that their desserts were missing.

If you have seen either or both of these desserts, please call Crime Stoppers on 1800 333 000.




One question remains: How the fuck did that fucking panther shave himself, and knit two bear costumes out of his own fur, if he didn't have fucking thumbs??

Boof Week 5 Exam Special: Lucky Dip

The Exam Special continues, with the $5 budget, and the obligatory Mi Goreng. The twist is that all 10 ingredients go into a hat, and the boys choose 5 ingredients at random. From out of the hat, Boof pulled:

A milky bar
Sweetened Condensed Milk
Macaroni and Cheese packet mix
and
ANCHOVETTE.

For those of you who don't know what anchovette is: it is a sandwich spread made from mashed anchovies. It smells and tastes awful. And it looks like catfood.

So at first, Boof was stumped. To get ideas, he experimented with putting anchovette and sweetened condensed milk on toast; it was bad. So, Boof refined the idea, and came up with something eerily similar to Michal...

Boof made the packet pasta as per the directions; 1 cup of milk, 1/4 cup of water and a teaspoon of margerine, all in a saucepan to boil. However, Boof mixed the Mi Goreng flavouring and .00652 of a gram of anchovette into the water, which then went into the saucepan. While that was boiling away, Boof buttered two slices of bread, and put them under the grill; butter side up. Once the bread had nicely toasted, he flipped them over, and poured sweetened condensed milk over the top. At this point, the pasta started to stick to the pan, so Boof turned down the heat, and stirred it for a bit. He then noticed a burning smell coming from the grill.

The bread was fucked. Burnt to a crisp, and the sweetened condensed milk looked like burnt cheese. Taking a leaf from Michal's book, Boof put some butter in a frying pan, and cooked up the bread that way. The difference being, of course, that one side of each bread slice had a generous portion of condensed milk poured over it. Boof removed the bread from the pan just in time, burning his finger in the process. The pasta went on top. The final touch was the milky bar, which Boof sliced in half, and placed on top of the whole lot.

It didn't look too bad. Kind of average. The milky bar gave it an added cool touch though. A 7/10 was decided for presentation. For creativity, a 8/10 was awarded. Chocolate, condensed milk and cheesy mac? It couldn't possibly taste any good, right?

Wrong.

It tasted awesome. On its own, the pasta was way too salty (owing to the Mi Goreng flavouring), but when combined with the sweet toast and white chocolate, it was superb. It was still a little salty though, so an 8/10 was decided for taste.

This gives Boof a score of 23/30 for the week, and an overall score of 103/150.

Michal Week 5 Exam Special: Lucky Dip

Boof and Michal decided to continue with the Exam Special tradition in week 5 considering that exams are still on at Deakin University. This week we thought that we would try something different once again. This week, we utilised the $5 student budget for the ingredients and then both Boof and Michal wrote the ingredients on small pieces of paper and put them into a hat.

Lucky Dip!

This week, the ingredients Michal had to use were:

- Mi-Goreng

- A Pear

- Baby Capers

- Mint

- Brown Onion Gravy

Michal proceeded to boil the Mi-Goreng noodles, completely discarding the flavouring. He boiled water and mixed the brown onion gravy mix and whisked it until it thickened. Michal then let this gravy set for a little bit in a bowl. He began melting butter into a frying pan and then fried two pieces of bread. Once the bread was ready, he placed it on the plate, mixed the noodles in together with some baby capers and the brown onion gravy until it was one thick shitty stew looking spew. And then placed some of that on the toast and it was ready.

For dessert, Michal cut the pear into three pieces: from small to large. He then proceeded to spread some sugar over the pieces and placed it in the oven at 250 degrees. After 15 minutes, Michal took the pieces out and made tower out of it. He then sprinkled some mint over the top of it and served it up. The sugar had melted really nicely and had caramelized over the pear pieces.

This week, Michal scored a 7 out of 10 for taste. Essentially, the main meal was mediocre. It wasn't anything special, the toast tasted nice but the rest of it was... well it was... "meh". The dessert on the other hand, was absolutely amazing! It caramelized perfectly and the mint was an amazing touch! Presentation, once again, the main meal was mediocre but the pear was once again smashing, bringing Michal a 7 out of 10 for presentation. Michal was lacking in creativity this week, Both him and Boof agreed that Michal should receive a 6 out of 10.

This brings Michal's total for the week to 20 out of 30.

His running total is 113/150

Michal Week 4 Exam Special

For our Exam Special, we had to buy each other 5 ingredients with a budget of only $5 (true uni value). One of these ingredients had to be a packet of Mi-Goreng because we decided that all uni students love good ol' Mi-G.

This week, Boof bought Michal:

- 6 pack of English Muffins

- Mi-Goreng

- Condensed Creamed Mushroom Soup

- A Potato

- A Cherry

This week, Michal got a break, the ingredients that Boof had presented him were easy, not as fucking weird as a fucking coconut or fucking a parsnip....... Fuck.... Michal began by pre-heating the over to 180 degrees. He then emptied the contents of the condensed mushroom soup into a pot and began slowly cooking it. Over the course of the cooking period, he would pour some water and some soy milk to make the soup more soupy. He also added a touch of salt and some pepper to it. It failed in the end anyway. He took the potato and thinly sliced half of it into thin round pieces and cut the rest of it up into fries. He placed cooking oil into a frying pan, some pepper and a touch of salt and fried the potato chips and slices up.

He then took two english muffins and cut them in half. He then took two halves and cut a circle out of them in the middle. He spread Philidelphia cheese on the other halves and placed all of them in the oven to warm up. He took the Mi-Goreng Noodles and boiled just the noodles. Once the fries and potato slices were ready, he took the potato slices and placed them on top of the two halves of english muffin which had the Philidelphia cheese spread on it. He then placed the boiled noodles (once he strained them) and on top of the potato slices and poured a little bit of tomato sauce on top of that. He then placed the other two halves which had the holes cut out of them on top of that to make a burger looking thingy. He poured a swirl of tomato sauce on that and placed them back in the oven to warm up (Michal called them boobs because they looked like boobs).

Following me camera guy?

He took another english muffin and cut it in half. He took one half and spread it with butter and also placed it in the oven so that it could warm up and melt. Once the soup had cooked, he served it in a bowl and used the aforementioned muffin as dipping bread.

Now for desert. Michal used the two round patches that he cut out of the english muffins and put them into a frying pan with some butter. He fried them up until they were crispy. He then placed htem on top of each other with honey in the middle and placed the cherry on top of that. Desert!

All up, Michal's dish had a lot going on. He was able to use the english muffins three times in three different meals. He served the main with those boob burgers and fries. The dipping bread was placed on the same plate, the soup was put in a seperate bowl and then desert was on its own. Loner...

It was a unanimous decision that Michal's presentation was outstanding (for a N00b) and he scored a 9 out of 10 (Both Boof and Michal liked the boobs... burgers). Boof believed that Creativity was once again an essential factor in Michal's cooking. Michal scored an 8 out of 10 in that field. Now the fun part... TASTE! Michal tried the soup, and automatically declared it a fail. It was pathetic... He can't make soup to save his life. The Boob burgers on the other hand were surprising, they tasted interesting (in a good way), unique in texture and looked very sexy. The Desert was also quite nice for a pompous little thing. All up, for taste, Michal got a 7 out of 10.

This gives Michal a 24 out of 30 for Week 4 Exam Special.

Total running score thus far for Michal is 93/120...

What will next week hold?

Boof Week 4 Exam Special

"REVENGE IS BEST SERVED IN A SMALL GREEN CAN"

For this week's FoodRape Exam Special, Boof and Michal had to buy each other $5 worth of ingredients, one of which has to be a packet of Mi Goreng.

Michal bought, for Boof,

A potato
Mi Goreng
A mango chupa-chup
A tin of tuna

And

A can of V.

Yes, V. The energy drink. Michal's revenge was at hand. Coconut, squash and parsnip had nothing on the sweet, tangy liquid contained within this small garish can.

Boof was fucked. He had absolutely no idea. At all. V? What the hell is this? I don't know what to do with V! Boof's first thought was to make V mashed potato. But, that was too close to Milo mashed potato. So, he went out on a limb.

Grabbing an extra potato, Boof sliced the potatoes into thin chips. He poured the V into a small frying pan and a large frying pan. The chips went into the big frying pan, and the tuna went into the small frying pan. The idea was that, once all the V had boiled off, Boof would be left with V infused tuna and chips. This didn't really work however, so once all the V had congealed into a syrup, Boof added some oil to the chips, to get them crispy.

For the dessert, Boof broke up the noodles, and discarded the Mi Goreng flavouring. He used his phone-a-friend, and asked Michal how to best crush the chupa-chup. so with a hammer and tea towel, the mango lolly was promptly pulverised. The noodles and mango powder went into a mixing bowl, with a mixture of milk and Blue Heaven topping. Then, into a saucepan on the stove until the milk started to boil. Then it went into a bowl, and in the fridge.

The resulting meal was foul. The chips turned out to be intriugingly awful, but Michal could not stop eating them (except for the burnt ones). The tuna actually tasted alright, except for the disgusting after-taste that nearly induced vomiting. Boof wasn't game enough to try the blue noodles, and Michal was speechless. The look on his face told the story though. It was eventually decided that Boof would get a 2/10 for taste, because the chips were addictive, and the tuna wasn't actually that bad until you stopped eating it. Presentation wise, the tuna looked like cat-food, the chips were black and sticky, and the dessert looked like someone had eaten blue fairy floss, then chucked into a bowl. A 2/10 was decided for the presentation, because the noodles were a pleasing blue colour.

Creativity wise, Boof and Michal decided on a 9/10.

So all up, Boof gets a 13/30 out of 30

Boof's running total is 80/120 at the end of Week 4.